How To Survive an Anaconda Attack

From a 1970’s Peace Corps Manual

1. Do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground, put your arms tight against your sides and your legs tight against each other.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic.
6. The snake will begin to swallow your feet first.
7. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. When the snake has reached your knees, reach down, take your knife, slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg. Quickly rip upward, severing the snake's head.
9. Be sure you have your knife.
10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

I like those last two instructions. Be sure you have your knife and be sure your knife is sharp. Now I really don’t know if these were authentic instructions from a Peace Corp manual but it illustrates one thing; when going into the jungle, you’d better be prepared. You’d better be prepared for being a coach, for being a father, for being a husband – heck, you’d better be prepared for going to the grocery store. And you’d darn well better be prepared for the season coming up just around the corner in August. Players are in the weight room, camps are rolling, and coaches are meeting. Everyone is in preparation mode and I always found it kind of exciting just getting ready for the season. In fact, there were times as I began to prepare and thought of all the scenarios we had to be ready for, I sometimes got overwhelmed.

We can’t be prepared for everything, there are situations that come up that no one could have anticipated. But how we react to those situations can be the difference between a win or a loss. Especially in high school if a starter gets injured we may have just lost a position on offense and defense. We may have just lost our wing player on the PAT team and we may have just lost our contain man on the kickoff team. By losing one player we just had to replace four spots on the football team. You get the idea.

Here’s hoping that all of you coaches out there are having a wonderful summer and that all preparations are being made. Take some time with the family and don’t neglect those opportunities that come along at improving yourself and being prepared to being a better father and husband as well as a coach. We’ll talk about that sometime and don’t forget to check out www.chiefpigskin.com for more ideas on being prepared for the season. By the way, has anyone out there ever had to follow those instructions to survive an Anaconda?